I woke up at 5:30 because doing yoga the night before often makes that happen. I felt good and ready to have my friend gather my things: (umbrella, yoga mat, and ~sentimental~ tea kettle) from my ex’s apartment. While I waited for my friend to wake up, I read my book (The Beet Queen) and did not monitor my trailmix consumption.
As we were driving there we made the plan: if his car was there, she would go up and ask politely and not ask or answer any questions and come meet me where I was parked on a side street. My friend is amazing and the perfect person for this kind of favor. His car was there, so she got out and walked around the block to his place while I sat and waited. But I couldn’t sit because my heart was hammering so I got out and stretched. I’m not sure who saw who first, but my ex was at a yard sale, with my yoga mat in his backpack, a few yards away. He walked over and I was smiling. While we talked I was uncomfortable and didn’t try to hide it. It’s infuriating that serendipity marks some relationships even past their expiration.
After taking a look around, I realized that my phone was stolen. There were still a bunch of people asking me questions about which herbs to take, and I tried to remain helpful, but I felt panicky and their problems were distant. As soon as my coworker got back she tried to help me remember where I was/what I had been doing in case I had set it down somewhere weird. I couldn’t remember anything. The day was a complete blur of activity and walking around, and I had talked to so many people about so many issues that I was feeling cloudy, so I just went and checked the Indian food place where I had bought lunch, even though I knew it was stolen.
If they are on a similar wavelength, I tend to build little ten-minute relationships with many of the people that I talk to. For the time I’m with them, we’re in on the same conspiracy. The only way I can describe my feeling is this clunky phrase: ridiculous abstract betrayal.
So then when I was alone in the store I called my mom 100 times, to talk to someone familiar. Hers is the only number I have memorized. I started to feel more panicky and still some people asked me questions, so I answered them while crying, which they didn’t seem to mind. I sat there calling my mom and crying and talking to people about their rashes. Finally she answered and there was a miscommunication where she thought I was chastising her. Then a lady I’ve seen before came in about 5 minutes to close and tried to engage in conversation and I couldn’t help but be rude.
I was sitting waiting for the train, guilty over the lady, when I looked over and saw that she was sitting next to me. We made up, but then when the train came I was so lost in thought that I forgot to say goodbye, see you again soon.